nohearts for me.
i hear lies constantly. i work more than you live.
i miss the sun. i miss the disorientation of life now.

i play sam with all my heart, but all that comes out of her is the blues. more tragic than buddy holly.

save me, reader.
cut my weeds for me—-my heart is covered more than wrigley field on a good day.
i miss the old hardcore days….where it was about the bands.
i miss the days when you got knocked down in the pit, and 10 fellas picked you up and patted you on the back.
i miss the days of billy idol.
i miss van halen.
with a vengeance i strike reality.
i am the abstract reality that has yet to be discovered.
my brain is being killed—slowly, but surely.
i have to get out. and soon.
i miss my love. i miss my friend, the only one who will listen (semi);
you know who you are ES. yes you.
OIswego is hurting these days. i wish i had more time to create a drug that could make me function without anxiety.
i hurt.
my neck hurts.
my air hurts.
my lungs gasp for breath—–but all i breath is bullshit.
i am none.
i am all.
i am dead—-but we don’t know it yet.
please me, feel my life, carry me through, lift me above what i hate.
turn the wind off—it is chilling my soul.
my work is killing me–the shit is not going to last.
Ryan asked me for a BIO—–i was ashamed that i had none…….i said what was on my mind for one.
i still have none.
all there is—-is me, OI, my brothers, whiskey, and SR.
self-respect.
weakness is not only emotion or muscle.
weakness is me.
strength is me.

arcane shit is what i know. it hides me from you.
but no matter how archaic i am, i feel watched by all of you.
send me a line—keep me going.
keep my brain from rotting at my jerk of a job.
i have been overused.
am i burnt out?
no.
i have books of pain to write to you.
so you will never have to.
my brain melts as i wait for her to come back———-
the evil waits within, but i doubt she will show anytime soon.
for those of you near Ithaca NY——–hook it up, i need some.

can you feel the agony?
i still feel it, just like everyday of my life.
i never want it to end either.
never again will i trust—–because i waste my time.

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loa
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“just give me one good reason to live—i’ll give you three to die.”

i miss everyone already.