ryan: do you still draw?
wes: I haven’t drawn anything since OAC art when Ms. Peer pissed me off!
ryan: You should… I liked your paintings
wes: I kinda made a choice between visual art of music. And chose to dedicate my time to music. So I don’t regret anything. Besides painting is so messy! And it’s hard to make into a performance art, and performing live is important to me.
ryan: Ok, I understand. Personally I just want to do everything
wes: it took me a while to realize I we can’t… well I can’t.
ryan: I think that you have to try at first, and then specialize. I already know what I want to specialize in, but I also believe that I won’t write anything good for about 20 years.
wes: yeah
I used to want to be able to play all the instruments, part of me still wants to, but mostly I just want to be really good on guitar. And the special energy you get from playing in a group has a huge importance to me. I like playing with other instrumentalists who play different instruments, there instrument holds some kind of mystery to me, and if I lost that it might
dampen the ‘group energy’ somehow.
ryan: It’s good that you’ve figured out what works for you.

For me, I think I’m still at the beginning. I feel an energy almost like a light inside me, and I’ve always struggled to express it… I’ve just kept trying to find new ways to express it, but I’m not ready.. I end up copying others, and I haven’t truly found the perfect expression… but I get very happy when shades of light escape, and I intensely enjoy being around creativity.

It’s GREAT that we’ve all found so much creativity lately, it wasn’t always that way… for me, I’ve only really been a part of it for a few months, since I broke up with Brynn. I feel like for almost the first time I’m truly adding my energy to the groups I’m in, in a small part through music but mostly through the site and my energy alone.

wes guitar still hardly works for me, I hear music in my head and I’ll try to hum it, or reach for my guitar, screw up the first note and then it’s gone forever.

I don’t expect I’ll ever be completely free.

I’m frustratingly inhibited sometimes.
ryan As long as you don’t give up and do your best, hopefully you’ll reach a level that you’re satisfied with. Is anyone really ever satisfied? Can anyone truly create in this world? Writers limited by language, musicians by their instruments, painters by dimension and colour, computer animators by thier tools.
wes yeah I totally agree.

I think the only way you can get by and be happy is that you do your individual art for the love of it. That works better for me than ambitions and goals I think.
ryan I believe that if I’m dying and I don’t believe that I’ve succeeded in expressing myself, and using the energy I’ve gathered in life, that I will condemn my soul to whatever hell exists for it.
wes yowza

I guess you believe you will express yourself fully then.

there’s a difference between you and me my friend, I don’t believe that I ever will.

hey lets post this conversation!
ryan No, I don’t believe humans can ever express themselves fully… I mean that I die having made my best attempt. We don’t have the proper tools, I could never blame myself for inferior tools.

Actually, I think that humans CAN fully express themselves through their emotions and relationships.
wes hmmm

I don’t…

yet.

I expect the chance that it may be possible.
ryan It only requires the right mix of people…
there are no other limitations…