I’ve been home for just over 2 weeks now and it’s time to evaluate the situation thus far. I’ve noticed that I’m getting quieter around people. I think this is mostly due to living with my parents again. They’re wonderful parents, but for some reason, when I’m around them, I just can’t be myself. I try to spend as little time at home as possible because it’s just killing me. They aren’t doing anything against me, I can’t explain it anymore than this, I’ve just spent 8 months living away from home for the 3rd time now, it’s hard to come back. Having those rules again, having to worry about when I should be home because there’s other people in my home to think of. It’s sucking the life out of me, and I just can’t be myself.

Even when I’m out with friends, I hold back more than I normally did when I was away at school. I’m not holding any bad things back, I’m just not expressing myself as well as was once able to do. I’m not sure what it is… this house, my bedroom (which hasn’t changed since I was 7 years old – the wallpaper still baby blue with baseball theme), it’s all been the same now for 15 years. Even if I moved down the street, I’d feel better, I’d have my life back. The odd thing is, nobody’s taken anything from me, nobody’s holding me back. So if nobody has taken anything away from me, and nobody is holding me back, why am I not myself?