as much as i would like to say that i am “cool” and “with it”–i’m not.
i don’t live in the world that everyone else does.
i create my own world, of my own devices, based soley upon what i see.
drinking is my only vice right now. the irony in this is that i hate drunk people.
specially drunk girls.
what gives you the right to think that you can call me at 330 AM and say to me “your place or mine?”?
that shit gets old quick.
if i wanted an easy hookup with something that was less than meaningful, i’d invite my hand home.
i have faaaaaar more important things to do, like how i will take over the world.
or how i will gain the love of my one.
or 2?
or 3?
or x^n?

it doesn’t matter anymore. everyone treats me the same.
unaproachable? not likely, long as you are not a meathead.
criminal? not anymore, though i’ve had my share of disappointments.
self-confident? my ego would kill herds of elephants if it ran unchecked.
loyal? no one will ever know, because no one will ever show me the loyalty shown to me by mt pit-bull.
drug-addict? hell, i don’t even do aspirin…..

it’s the price i pay for being a complete individual these days—every time i act on my own,
i must be trying to be “alternative”
a term i have branded with, shed, and re-branded with yearly.
i am a skinhead. (and for those of you brainwashed by the media’s stereotype—read about what a real skinhead is…….American Skin, by Don DeGrazio is a good start (alex as a reference point)).
i wear my skin proud.
i walk side by side with all my brothers.
i feel no shame.

this is turning into a huge ramble, but i care not anymore…
my emotions have been bottled too long, and now they are coming out in one moderately sized piece of crap.
playing pool tonight.
some jerkass decided to mock how i racked the balls when we played.
he promoptly apologized soon as i whooped his ass.

point is:->hardly anyone on this world will ever know what it is to feel my confidence, to feel the strength that it gives me, and to also feel the lonliness that it leaves me with.
perhaps i should be weak to save face?
or perhaps i should submit to enjoy the benefits of selling out.
like a sucker.
a weak sucker.
i’ll never be able to do it, just like i’ll never be able to do any drug….not even aspirin.