Breaking up with someone is a messy business but but being the dumpee instead of the dumper is decidedly worse. It’s like you’re heart is bleeding to death and instead of lying in a hospital getting highly technical medical treatment for your condition you’re packing stuff and separating your life from someone that you’ve seen everyday for so long they’re just a part of you. When you’re done you look at this car full of crap and think this is what i’m worth. your whole centre just crumbles and you feel like you’re stumbling around in the dark and someone knows exactly where the light switch is but they refuse to turn it on and just let you masacre your chins on the fucking coffee table. So you stumble around for the first day just in complete agony and then you start to think about that person and start to come up with reasons to hate them just so you can feel better about yourself because anger is so much easier to deal wih than heartbreak. But the reasons you find don’t hold their weight in water and then you go to sleep and think last night i was with them and everything was right with my world. You wake up hoping it was all this terribe dream and roll over to cuddle them and realize that their not there and never will be again. so you realize that you’ll have to paw through this muck waiting for a downpour of rain that will wash your misery away and know that it will be months before it does. So i sit in this desert with no water to wash away these tears hoping that someday soon you’ll have more than the cacti to keep you company……….alll i can think about is picturing those keys i left on the table and the door slamming behind me knowing that i won’t ever be able to access that place or that person ever again. Life sucks today

Move faster!
Quantity IS quality these days
let your wounds fester under the crack of that whip
Just because you’re entitled doesn’t mean you’ll get it
You’re a slave to the industry after all
if you want to make mediocre employee of the month
you’ll have to work overtime
There’s no christmas here fool!
You don’t get a social life The industry IS YOUR LIFE
you have nothing to complain about
there’s too much to do for you to have time to complain!

I love you and it hurts to know that you don’t love me back….yet
I try to be patient but i struggle with this because i don’t get what i really need
I touch you and it feels like that touch is ghostly it passes you by without reaching you
You say you’re scared and to give you time , that you’re trying
But you forget to call when you say you will and it makes me want to break things
I hate that, you know i hate that because even though i don’t want to admit it…….
I wait to hear from you
You’ve been a truly good friend and you always listened to me when i needed you
but this relationship sucks
I love you and find it very hard to like you.

I’m back!!!!!!! I can write whatever i want and as always i’m out to depress everyone!!! I like being here though

The people we have loved with our entire being will always be there. No matter how short a time we knew them, how much they hurt us, or how long it’s been since we have seen their face. It does not matter if you have loved them for a lifetime, or a minute. You cannot choose to love a person this way, and no one could force you to love them this way. People like this you were meant to love them before you even knew they existed. They are like the thread that weaves themselves between the patches of that dusty quilt on grandma’s rocking chair, letting the dust perform it’s ballet upon it in a beam of sunlight. And strangely enough everytime you remember them, like picking up that quilt and wrapping it around you, the memories of those people will keep you warm for as long as you need them….just like grandma’s quilt.

I love it when an old friend you haven’t heard from in a long time writes to you. It’s like becoming their friend all over again only better. It makes you feel memorable that they took the effort to reconnect with you

Memo: today was monday…..hide

I saw a guy with a walkman on freakin out on the sidewalk today. It added spice to my monday. Then about an hour later we ran into him again and he asked ryan for a cigarette……i guess it was good for him.

I woke up feeling good today. Not a big thing for some, a precious gift to me. There was nothing special about today it was just like any other but i was happy to get up, go to work, get things done. The kind of day that i can appreciate everything that life has to offer me……these are the days i hope for.

“don’t you know when you live life
The you become what you are”

Dave Matthews

A year used to seem such a long time when i was a kid. It would seem like all the time in the world. Then you grow to be an adult…….and there’s not enough time to accomplish everything. A year ago i lost someone who had a huge impact on the way i look at life and what is really important. She was so full of life and love, it was the last person you’d think would ever die young. She certainly wasn’t the kind of person who died of cancer, but she did. There are times when i think i’ve moved on, that i’ve made my peace with it. Then there are nights when i feel it hit me, i can’t breathe and i sob so hard i don’t make a sound. I wasn’t ready to lose her, she was my anchor. I look back at how much i was messing up my life when she was alive and wish she could see how i’ve turned it around. I’m not really sure where i’m going with this except that i hope you will read this and think of the people that really matter to you. Did you fight with one of them over something pointless, did you tell them how much they mattered to you today? There are times when i feel like everything is right with where i’m going in my life and then there are times like tonight when all i feel is left behind……

I read recently in a book that there is no such thing as a soul mate. I’m not sure i like that. It kind of takes the wind out of my sails. In the world we are forced to live in, where everything thing is moving in fast forward and you have to run if you want to keep up, i find it kind of comforting to think out of all this mess that there is one person out there somewhere that would understand you perfectly and would love you no matter how badly you screwed up. The kind of person you could just sit with for hours without saying a word and walk away feeling it was the best conversation you’ve ever had. With all the bullshit (pardon the language) that we are forced to deal with in our lives on a daily basis, i think we have all earned the right to have a little bit of fairytale, whether it be for five minutes or a lifetime. This hope of having one perfect mate for everyone is what has gotten me through bad relationships, bad break-ups, and the loneliness that has a tendency to creep up on you when you’re single. I’d like to believe that i have found my soul mate already. He has never made me feel like i’m not good enough, he has stood by me even when i’ve screwed up or unintentionally hurt him. He just knows me…….better than i know myself. He knows exactly what to say to me when i’m sad and knows exactly when to tell me to get up and do something instead of complaining. He’s the kind of person that makes me feel lucky to be me, and get this we’ve lived over three thousand miles away from each other for about seven years now. If that isn’t a ” meant to happen” kind of thing, what is. There are a lot of great people out there and i think even though we need practicality, responsibilty, ambition and all the other things needed to succeed as people, that we all need a healthy side-order of happily ever after.

I find i feel alone these days. My sadness separating me from the ones i know so well. I feel claustrophobic and lost all at the same time. I have many things to do yet i find i accomplish nothing, and thoughts of you are drowning the priorities i have set for myself. I know not how the days pass but i know they do for i blink and i find another one gone and do not remember doing anything. I sit in this ghost town in the waste land of my heart waiting for feeling to return. Longing for the joy i found with you……

Hey guys and dolls, Liz here. I’m currently enjoying the lovely weather of the west coast but do not fret i have not forgotten you!!!! I’m just warmer than i was before and i don’t have to defrost the keyboard before i type. Well once again i am a little short on creativity so i have added one of my older poems but hey old or new it’s still me. Enjoy!
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