again i sit here, trying to think “what if?”.
nahh, fuck it. i don’t wanna think about no what if’s, ands or butts.
i am who i am, and thats it.
sometimes you just have to learn to deal with stuff, because changing who you are to make yourself happy in the shortrun is no way to go.
kind of like those stupid “new years resolutions”. i really never understood those.
why should you need a holiday to decide that you want to change something about yourself?
just be who you want to be. others will learn to accept it and learn to deal with it.
if they can’t, then they aren’t really your friends.
friends care only about you as a person, not how much you change to accomodate them.

and i’ll never change. not for any maryjane rotten crotch.
i tried that whole “being nice” and then “polite” routine.
truth is, i can never give resepct to someone that has spent their whole life talking and not doing.
i get sick when some dick wants me to call them “sir” when i know full well they have no idea what it means to be truly respected.

maybe we have different ideals, but i respect the person that can live on the street for 5 years and survive. the person that wakes up at 4 am every day just so he can go to his job at mcdonald’s to pay the rent and support his family. those are the guys that will get you through the night. not the ones that get all dressed up and fancy for a useless “meeting”.

but more importantly, i have the most respect for myself.
i’ve been on my own since i was 17, for 8 years now. times when most people my age would be spending living with theit parents and their siblings. i had to do it alone.
not because i had to or wanted to, but because i knew that’s what was expected.
there have been times where i had to take a second job. times where i had to pawn my bed to pay the rent. times where the only food in the house is a box of macaroni and some kethup, with no running water.
its things like this that reallay make me appreciate what i have now. but at the same time, i feel completely alone. i know that the majority of people that will read this will never know what it’s like to be the only person in a room full of people. to think you are better, tougher, smarter is one thing. but to truly know takes some hard times and a lot of guts to realize.
i’m trying to be something better….

and another thing—
everyone is always ragging on MY country, on MY president and on MY goals.
that’s fine. truth is, i hate bush and think he is doing a horrible job as MY president. i don’t approve of almost every decision he has ever made. but you will never catch me outside with a hippy shirt on saying “stop the war for oil”.
those idiots just don’t get it.
this is a time when america as a nation needs to pull together, whether you like it or not. i’m all for civil disobedience when you don’t like things. but this is a case where it’s more important to support your country than it is to whine about it.
and then i want you to think about this::
did you protest america going to afghanistan and running taliban out of power?
this “War on iraq” is all because of the wtc incident. not because we want oil. and if we just wanted the oil, then explain to me why we are letting the iraqis keep the profits from selling oil, instead of just shippping what we can back to america…

i’m sorry, i just get really emotional when people don’t understand the facts, it seems to me like they just want to whine about stuff. and they want to have their own “60’s” or something like that.
don’t even try it around me—-i’lll rape you with truth