so fucking tired these days–haven’t eaten in a few days.
the only thing i have been ingesting is a constant steam of coffee and booze.
i got familiar with an old friend the other night though..it was really great to see her again.
we spent all night enjoying each other, and what we have to offer each other.
she doesn’t whine, never cries when i don’t call her.
doesn’t mind that i see another woman, and attends to my needs with meticulous precision.
a precision that i could never achieve.
i thank god that you are always there for me, my good friend whiskey.

ohyes, i’ve tried to talk to you and your kind.
all gussed up like a thanksgiving turkey complete with all the stuffing–
looking all pompadour and regal with your abercrombie and fitch “gear” on.
let me tell you something–the only person that you are fooling is yourself, and the weak
women that shit attracts. funny how weak you are, when i’ve smashed your kind into hiding before.
stop trying to talk to me, all you funnymen that can’t appreciate someone who will never
subscribe to what you ascertain as “cool” or, “jiggy with it”.
guess i’ll never be jiggy with it-but i know i’ll always be the one that everyone can count on.
simply because i can’t ever quit–anything.
or like my man kirk said, “spit in my face, i’ll never quit. this will never dies”.
maybe it is time for me to stop my struggle, bend over and start dressing like the rest of the population. stop swearing so much, stop drinking so much.
start listening to this crappy version of hip-hop (everyone knows good rap ended in the late 80’s), drive around in a car that looks cool, but is entirely impractical (like a dodge ram that is lowered to to 4″ off of the ground).
i’ve thought about this many times..how easy it would be to sell out, but i just can’t pull it off.
i could never fool you guys–some things you fuckers are way too clever about, and this is one of them.
someday…someday…someday…

maybe one day all this stubborness will kill me. maybe one day i’ll see the error of my ways.
maybe one day i’ll understand that i really was that big of an asshole.
but for now, it’s all i have. i have to remain in the struggle. it keeps me keen, and on balance.
i know what i am doing, and i completely believe in it–not like the bible, because i have a set goal.

the complete and total destruction of everything you believe in.
the last person who breaks conformity loses.
i’ve waited so long for this, and this is why i am so motherfucking tired.
it’s the constant struggle that drains me, and nothing else.
and maybe the lack of any real food is doing it to me too….it’s gotten to the point where i can’t even look at food without losing my appetite. i am sick.

RECOGNIZE A DEGENERATIVE WORLD WHICH WILL HAVE TO FACE EXTINCTION TO SEE WHAT THEY REALLY HAVE IN THEIR STOMACHS TO SURVIVE, AND PERSEVERE WHEN ALL ODDS ARE AGAINST YOU, AND THE ONES YOU HATE ARE THE ONES THAT HAVE THE POWER TO DESTROY YOUR IDEA OF LIFE AND EVERYTHING THAT YOU EVER ENJOYED.

this is my struggle.
choke on it bitch.