I haven’t been sleeping all that well lately. My mind is filled with matter. I’m MOVING!! That’s that. I’ve been looking @ 2 bedrooms for 3 days now & I’ve found some really nice places.. I’ve even found a possible roommate, but he wants to live in Nepean. No big problem, except that I just found a place for $875 that has a DISHWASHER!!! Though, utilities aren’t free.

Moving, so I’ve heard, is one of life’s most stressful events. It shouldn’t be stressful though.. I know I’m going to find a nice place. I KNOW it’s going to help me with my problems, & I know I can do this, but it still keeps me up. There’s fear of failure & fear of the new roommate. Who will he/she be? Can they be trusted? Will moving REALLY help me to get over my problems? It can’t get any worse, really. I definetely won’t be living beside a male mission again (YESSSSS!!!!!!!!)! I have nothing against the poor.. I’ve even lived on the streets myself but I can’t handle 10 men gauking & begging for money. I don’t have alot myself, & It’s so hard to say no sometimes. I feel uncomfortable, & as hard as I try to not be pre-judgemental, I can’t help but feel threatened by their presence. One or two is fine, but 40 living right across the street? You imagine walking by that everyday.. It’s not a very positive feeling.

Half of my reason for not being able to sleep is the excitement, too, of course. God! I’ve wanted to move since I got here. I’ve hated being on my own since I moved here. I was 16 when I started living alone & that’s alot of responsibility to take on @ that age. I want someone to share the responsibility with.. I want more regular social contact with a heart beat that doesn’t include fur. I WANT A BALCONY!!!!

I want to feel like I’m actually taking control of my life & that I’m actually doing something towards it.

I want to feel like I’m actually living on my own.. I don’t want to go grocery shopping with my dad anymore. I don’t want him coming to my place & ragging about the dishes.. the cat litter.. the this & the that! I want to tell myself what to do when I need to do it.

It’s about time!!!