anyone familiar with the incredible hulk?
well, jesse wants to smash right now….
for the past coupld of days now — everytime i try and talk to someone except for my buddy corey, i get the worst attitude on earth. i haven’t done anything to deserve it from anyone, hell–i even fixed someone’s home problem only to get a “thank you” in the form of a verbal assault.

makes me wanna destroy.
sometimes when i think i’m ready to start addressing society again with a new perspective, the people closest to me bring me back into my current state of mind. my current state of mind is a raging hate-freak, and i don’t like it much.
so i know the rest of the world won’t like it much either.

it doesn’t help either that i have no schedule at work—i come and i come and i come, still waiting for the boss to say “hey jesse, how about you start taking these days off regulary?”
i am so physically drained my mind is really feeling it.

simple requests from me to other people either go unnoticed, or they get me in a heap of trouble.
here’s a sample:
me:
“would mind leaving me alone for a while? i really need to relax and think by myself for a while”
response from my “friends”:
” what the fuck?!?! we always invite you over to hang out, or out to the bars and you never wanna go. some friend you are. you suck”

mulitply that by everyone you know, all at once and you will feel what i feel right now.
complete, and total rejection.
it’s almost like i don’t even exist right now–sort of like back to the future, where the picture is half there….it’s creepy.
don’t matter to me though–i’m a tough guy, i can handle it. i’ve been trained to be like this, and i’ve had the feelings beaten out of me at a young age.
don’t ever mistake my lack of showing emotion for me not having any…the feelings i have are more intense than most YOU will feel…i just have more control over them.

like i said—i have a neon fucking sign on my forehead–it says:
“walk all over me, i need some”