man oh man.
no one would believe the night i had tonight with my family.
yes, despite what other might say about their families, i love mine with a blind passion.
i fail to see what assholes they really are, i refuse to see their weaknesses, and i refuse to sit idly by when they need anything at all.
yup, i luv em alright.
back to the story now…

it was a party unlike any other, older people were mixing it up on the dance floor, cousins and me were mixing it up at the open bar…
and then i saw it.
a picture album, complete with me (and yes, it even said “future self-inflicted hard road traveller” for a caption) as a 3 week old baby.
but, what really grabbed my attention, besides my oversized package (it seems even then i was meant to be a stud), was the weird looking man beside me in the photo.
it turns that this man was my “father”.
i come from a broken home, if you will. i won’t ever call it broken, because it never knew it to be fine. this man though, he apparently knocked up and married my saint of a mother. when shit went bad (pop was drinking a bottle of vodka a day, at the same time he was owning graduate school for english) we left and came back to New York with the help of some hard-hitting family members. i heard from my “father” when i was 7 on christmas. never again did i hear from him.
but i noticed something new about this all—-i’ve never actually seen him, either in picture form or in person that i have the ability to remember.

my whole life has been spent protecting me from this “man”, and here i am now….190 pounds of hard flesh with an equally hard head.
what struck me as odd though was his size. almost the exact copy of me, minus a few pounds.
i spent all fucking day looking at this picture, and trying to find more of him and me.
the pop i have now is/will always is my real father. but i still want to see my “father” and poke him a bunch, asking why he ditched me.
i’m his first born, and will always be the coolest—

luv ya pop.
–Jesse

odd news….since pop has an odd name, it might make things a bit easier for me in my poking quest.
i found a church that has a member of his exact name, and it’s only 50 miles from where i was born……

am i excited? i suppose.