Left Behind
A year used to seem such a long time when i was a kid. It would seem like all the time in the world. Then you grow to be an adult…….and there’s not enough time to accomplish everything. A year ago i lost someone who had a huge impact on the way i look at life and what is really important. She was so full of life and love, it was the last person you’d think would ever die young. She certainly wasn’t the kind of person who died of cancer, but she did. There are times when i think i’ve moved on, that i’ve made my peace with it. Then there are nights when i feel it hit me, i can’t breathe and i sob so hard i don’t make a sound. I wasn’t ready to lose her, she was my anchor. I look back at how much i was messing up my life when she was alive and wish she could see how i’ve turned it around. I’m not really sure where i’m going with this except that i hope you will read this and think of the people that really matter to you. Did you fight with one of them over something pointless, did you tell them how much they mattered to you today? There are times when i feel like everything is right with where i’m going in my life and then there are times like tonight when all i feel is left behind……
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I was searching your archieve for a quote I remembered and reread this… I feel bad now that I did not reply the first time… like I failed you… but I could not find the words to express how moved I felt… I still dont know how to express how I felt… I felt bad for your loss… But it was more than that… Now after much time has passed I still dont know how to express to you what your feelings for this perrson ment to you… But I can share an experience of similar magnitude and kind… Well in my own mind atleast…
I still feel bad for I have known the kind of love that you talked about that two people can share… but rarely understand… But I let that love change… into another form… But like all changes especially those that involve love there was a huge dose of confusion… and fear? Now I see that we may have changed durring a time that wasn’t right… but God tends to make some of these decissions for us… and we must trust him… for who else is that worthy? But still I wish for the stability of what I had… to wait till the time is right to change… now I begin to feel lost… as I am left behind…
Signed with deep feeling: your friend
"Egoamor Vos"
PS Sobbing without sound really sucks doesn’t it… May we never experience that feeling and only rejoyce in feelings that are of similar strength, but that hold only joy… not sorrow… Please God…
By Not really Annonymous on 05.20.02 3:23 pm
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